Franciscan Sister of Christian Charity Sister Mary Ann Spanjers offers a new reflection on Discernment from a Franciscan perspective.” We have become accustomed to rapid responses on Instagram, texts, google, amazon, drive thru meals, transportation…everything is meant to be more convenient, faster and complete. This is a daily reality that can be of tremendous help but also harm to our spiritual lives. We do not have practice at waiting, at pondering, praying, being silent. We need to practice.” “St. Francis tell us… about finding the right direction in our lives I believe that the first thing one must do when one becomes aware of the gift of God’s presence in one’s life is to do as Francis did; continue to look to God for direction. This is through prayer, silence, paying attention to those around you, waiting, continuing to live your life, but with the anticipation that the Father is guiding you through the confusion and uncertainty. ” View previous videos in the series here.
Since 1869, Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity have served in Catholic Health Care, Education, Campus Ministry and Parish-Community Service in Dioceses in Michigan, Wisconsin, the Midwest, Central and Southwest U.S.
What St. Francis Tells Us
In the previous blog we closed with St Francis returning to Assisi, not as an armed successful knight, but discovering God had a different type of knighthood in mind for him. This was a time of struggle and waiting. Thomos Celano, an early biographer of St. Francis wrote, “He was praying that the Lord would show him a clear way ahead and teach him how to do His will. This was for him a time of inner torture and he could find no peace so long as he could not bring himself to take a real step forward.”
In our often-chaotic society of today, it is hard to focus on God, to look to God for direction about how to do His will. We have become accustomed to rapid responses on Instagram, texts, google, amazon, drive thru meals, transportation…everything is meant to be more convenient, faster and complete. This is a daily reality that can be of tremendous help but also harm to our spiritual lives. We do not have practice at waiting, at pondering, praying, being silent. We need to practice.
As Francis dealt with his conflicting feelings, unsure how God was directing him, he felt no guarantee or certainty that he would not drift back to his old ways of partying and superficial living. It was a temptation because what did fill his mind and heart was the realization of his own sinfulness and ego-centered life. Yet, the idea of returning to that lifestyle gave him no pleasure. He did find himself sharing (from his Father’s store) with those in need. He had a generous heart and noticed the needs of others. His natural generosity and desire to share were becoming the fundamental principle of his ideal of chivalry/valor. Yet he felt confused and unsure about what God wanted for his life. He spent time wandering about without a clear purpose.
GK Chesterton writes that it was while he was drifting, about the streets of Assisi and the fields outside the city wall, that an incident occurred to him. He was riding listlessly in some wayside place, apparently in the open country, when he saw a figure coming along the road towards him and halted; for he saw it was a leper. And he knew instantly that his courage was challenged, not as the world challenges, but as one would challenge who knew the secrets of the heart of a person. Francis saw his fear coming up the road towards him; the fear that comes from within and not without; though it stood white and horrible in the sunlight. The fear paralyzed him. Then he sprang from his horse and rushed to the leper and threw his arms around him and kissed him. It was the beginning of a long vocation of ministry among many lepers, for whom he did many services; to this man with the disease, he so feared, he gave what money he had. He got back on his horse and rode on. We do not know how far he rode or with what sense of the things around him; but it is said that when he looked back, he could see no figure on the road.
So what does this part of the life of St. Francis tell us about discernment, about finding the right direction in our lives? I believe that the first thing one must do when one becomes aware of the gift of God’s presence in one’s life is to do as Francis did; continue to look to God for direction. This is through prayer, silence, paying attention to those around you, waiting, continuing to live your life, but with the anticipation that the Father is guiding you through the confusion and uncertainty. It is about looking within one’s heart, acknowledging one’s true self, one’s sinfulness and ego. It is about asking for forgiveness. It is also about allowing one’s fears to surface so as to face the things that take control over us. I discover that when I accept my limitations, my prejudice, my irritation with others, my own darkness. I become freer. A wonderful, wise Franciscan friar has helped me do this by praying this brief phrase: “God help me be at one with my anxiety, my fear, my irritation, my depression, my anger—whatever feeling is present “ He has encouraged me to say this brief prayer over as many times as I need to so that I can again find inner peace. Notice this prayer is not asking God to take away my anger or anxiety or irritation; it is asking God to help me embrace who I am and what I am feeling, because that is what God does for us every moment; God embraces each of us as we are in this moment.
May St Francis inspire us to face whatever fear is present in our lives today so that we become free to accept the embrace of the Father and discover how he is leading us.
God calls you. We invite you.
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